Lessons Aren't Repeated Until They're Learned ; They're Repeated Until They're Mastered
Lessons Aren't Repeated Until They're Learned ; They're Repeated Until They're Mastered
Finally understanding I don't need anyone who depreciates my value
Time and time again I've found myself in the same predicament. The crazy thing is it was never done intentionally. After all, we all know that the definition of insanity is to do the same thing over and over again hoping for different results, so I definitely didn't have the intentions of living life as a crazy woman - it's just kind of happened. A "sane" person would ask, "How" or "Why" and after so many failed attempts I finally realized no matter how many times I change what a man looks like on the outside I always seem to attract the same kind of man. But I think I've finally mastered the lesson life has been trying to teach me!
Lessons Aren't Repeated Until They're Learned; They're Repeated Until They're Mastered.
You see, since I was 15 I've always felt a need to be in a relationship. Because of this yearning to be around someone else (so I wouldn't have to deal with the issues I was really running from) I would remain in unhealthy, unhappy,
abusive relationships. Before I continue I think I should explain that not all of them were physical, however, anyone that intentionally inflicts pain on another human - whether through actions or words- is abusive. Anyway, I thought I had mastered this lesson before because I mustered up the strength to leave a physically violent situation just to find myself in an emotionally violent and unstable one. This time I had to finally be the "sane" one & ask myself, "How?"
Well it's actually quite simple. Thanks to the baggage I've held on to since my adolescent years I've always subconsciously found myself unworthy of anything else other than pain. In some sick way, I found pain, chaos, and dysfunction to be something that was normal instead of realizing the truth.
I am the daughter of the King of ALL kings and God's special possession (
1 Peter 2:9)
I am powerful with a position and purpose appointed to me by the almighty creator Himself (
Jeremiah 29:11 /
John 15:16).
So if I am all of these amazing things then how had I accepted, and even more dangerous, shared my energy/sacred space/ and love with those who couldn't see it? Well, it's simple. Those internal conflicts/thoughts were manifested into the physical thanks to just how little I truly valued myself. In my brokenness I had attracted broken men to me hoping that I could fix them since I felt like I couldn't fix myself. I faithfully loved them despite the many times they had managed to cut or deeply hurt me because inside all I wanted was someone to do the same for me. I wanted someone who would see my flaws, imperfections, pain and impurities and not only accept them - but love me while I fixed them. Then, I met Him and now his presence has me seriously considering those I choose to keep around me.
Finally Realizing I Don't Need Anyone Who Depreciates My Value
I had been desperately trying to avoid or get to know Him despite the many times I've personally wanted to. It's just thanks to all of the pain I've endured through life I didn't want to put my hope in something just for it not to work out like I had imagined. However, knowing Jesus has actually been the best decision I had ever made. Why? Well while He is THE ONLY one allowed to judge me and my flaws, but He doesn't hold me to that since once I accepted Him as my Lord and savior He knows I am no longer that foolish girl anymore. He doesn't remind me of my mistakes because He's redeemed them all! He doesn't care about how I look physically because what he looks at and judges me by is my heart. And since my heart is with Him, I am deserving of every marvelous promise that He's ever made! Now that I REALLY understand what He's been trying to teach me through these repetitive lessons, I'm confident that the only way I could be that foolish girl anymore is if I allowed myself to continue to receive a love lower than what He has set an example for me to receive.
Moral of the story: You were not designed to live your life in fear or dysfunction. You were created with the power to change the world - not people. While you are a very powerful person - it is NOT your job to change the perception others have of you. It is, however, your job to guard the energy and vibes you ALLOW around you.
You are a light that gives hope in darkness and you'll never be able to shine if you surround yourself with those who deliberately aim to dim it instead of helping to lift you higher.
Stop asking yourself why you keep finding yourself in the same situation, and instead focus your energy on learning (and accepting) the lesson life's been trying to teach you.
I can't believe it! The book that has taken me years to complete is finally ready to be released to those of you who have been hearing me go on and on about it for so long. 
